Month 1 Results

The moment the scale settled on a single weight the Halelujah Chorus started ringing in my ears: 209.6! Halelujah! Halelujah!

14.4 pounds down, 45.6 to-go.

A nice, round 15 would have been nice, but 14.4 is good enough for me.

In other news, I booked the wedding on September 22. Thats just under 8 months from now. Here goes nothin'.

Nerves

Another week has gone by and I find myself more nervous about Monday's weigh-in than I was about skydiving. This, of course, is stupid. The scale is just a machine that merely will spit out a number that I may or may not like. After two weeks of lackluster progress, however, I have a lot invested in seeing a happy number on Monday. Where will I find myself after one month of dedication to the new lifestyle?

I'm encouraged by small changes I've noticed in my body. I feel just a little stronger. My fat pants are just a little looser. It shouldn't matter what the scale says, but it does. Please, please, please, please be under 210!

Run Nina Run

About a year ago I had decided to run a half marathon with some friends. We signed up, and I finished the OC Half Marahon on May 1, 2011 in 2:51:23 (also known as 5421st place). I was ecstatic to have finished in under 3 hrs! It was a good day.

Then I stopped exercising alltogether, put on 30 pounds, and found myself limited to a single pair of work pants that were still button-able. Lame.

Anyway, I bring this up because I think I want to run it again this year. I won't be able to seriously train with running until after the p90x routine is finished (circa early April), but I can sneak in some long runs along the way and then start dedicated training at least a month before the race. Sounds do-able to me. I'm officially excited.

In other news, I'm proud to report that I'm still securely on the wagon. The weekend was tough because I went home for a funeral service, which meant booze and comfort food, but I had saved up my WW points and stayed within the weekly allowance. Yey for me.

On the workout front, I missed one of the six p90 workouts last week (shame on me) and am determined to make all six happen this week. After just one week I already feel stronger! While my weight loss is not progressing quite as nicely as I had planned (see prior post), my body composition is changing. The aforementioned work fat pants, which were treacherously tight at the end of last year, now have some give at the waist. 2012 is going to be my year!

#*@$#*&^%

Balls. I was on FIRE this week. Full weight watchers compliance? Check. Full p90x workout Mon-Fri? Check. Result? WEIGHT GAIN.

Eric: 'You're putting on muscle, the weight loss will come.'
Mom: 'Your weight fluctuates with your 'cycle', don't pay attention to small gains.'
Me: *&%$@*!

I know that I cannot let a small gain set me back. Knowing that, however, does not make this suck any less. I'm not a patient woman and I want to see the numbers on the scale go steadily down until I see the sweet victory of my goal weight appear. Not to mention, I have no time for gains because the wedding will be here before I know it. Hrmph.

Ok. Enough whinning. Time to go plan out a WW-friendly dinner and get on with it.

p90ouch

So we finally got around to re-starting the P90X routine. Both Eric and I have gone through this before (although he finished with excellent results and I quit to move to Argentina and get fatter...more on that another time). Anyway, we did the first workout of the 90 day routine last night and I am already feeling the effects. For example, I nearly didn't shampoo my hair this morning because the thought of holding my arms over my head for any period of time made me cringe. All of this pain after a pathetic showing of on-my-knees pushups? This is what we'll call 'room for improvement.'

Week 2 Results!

Well...today is Week 2 weigh in and I weigh 212.6lbs! That means I've lost 11.4 lbs in the last two weeks. That seems like a lot -- but I need to remember that weight tends to fall off at the beginning of a weight loss program. The rate of loss is going to slow and I'm going to have to keep working for every...single...pound. I am most definitely up to the challenge.

So far, my favorite thing about the WW program is that I'm never hungry. Breakfast consists of a shake (1 banana, 1c strawberries, 1/2 milk, handful of ice) in tandem with a large and satisfying coffee. I pack snacks of protein bars, carrots, bananas, and other fruit for the day. And lunch & dinner have been weight watchers-friendly recipes that I've enjoyed concocting. This is the plan.

On Saturday, however, my beloved 49ers were playing and we went to a bar where I ended up drinking 75oz of light beer. (Technically I only ordered 50oz, the last mug was just brought and I couldn't just leave it to go to waste.) Plus we won...celebration was in order. Anyway, dinner after that consisted of a banana and protein bar....and I still made it under the daily points limit.

I absolutely understand why people say this is the program that sticks. 11 Down. 49 To Go.

Not Alone

Obviously I'm not the first woman in history to try to lose some weight. It is hugely inspiring to see the success of others who used to look and feel just like me. I stumbled across this blog via Pinterest and am in awe of this woman. Her '100 lb difference' list should be enough to get me out of bed every morning:

http://www.runsforcookies.com/p/non-scale-victories.html

Thanks Katie.

PS -- put in 3200 yd swim this morning -- that's almost two miles!

Conventional Wisdom

They say that 'the hardest part abuot excercise is walking out of the door.' I've heard this repeated about a bajillion times. Bullshit, I said. The hardest part is running in the dark and cold. They, 1, Me, 0.

This has not been my strongest week. The P90 idea got pushed out a week and somehow now it's Thursday and I just got my first workout in. I've been eating pretty well and I thought that would be enough. I came home from work tonight and seriously considered just making a healthy dinner and watching some TV. Who wants to change into the bathing suit, slowly drudge down to the complex pool and face the initial bite of the water? (Note: this is dramatized. I live in LA and the pool is heated). And yet, I reminded myself that I've done zero workouts yet this week and was due for a quick swim. My goal for this endeavor had been to maintain two-a-day workouts. I at least owe myself one per day, and none per week is unforgivable.

Anyway, I schlepped my fat ass down to the pool tonight and put in a solid 2500 yards. NOW I FEEL FANTASTIC. There really is nothing like the feeling you get after a good swim. I feel alive, alert and cheery. There is absolutely nothing that I regret about putting on my suit and walking out the door. My only regret is that I don't know how to bottle up this feeling and bust it out whenever I'm feeling lazy or complacent.

I need to keep this drive alive. I need to remember that my success or failure in this challenge will be my ability to overcome the desire to curl up under a blanket with the cat and put the work off until tomorrow. The time to lose this debilitating weight is NOW, not tomorrow.

Suceeding, Cheating & Freaking Out

January 9, 2012

With week 1 trailing off into the rearview, there are definitely some reflections to be made.

#1 - Success!! I dropped from 224 to 116 pounds in the first week. That small initial success tasted better than all of the cake I didn't eat so this plan must be working. I feel great.

#2 - Social Activity = Drinking. I have a pretty good idea what that statement says about my cohorts and I. That said, two of my dearest friends traveled a long way to come visit me this past weekend, and I wasn't going to delight them with chicken breasts and water at my apartment for four days. So, we ate and drank, ate and drank, then repeated. I did the best I could by sneaking in a swim here and there and choosing the best possible option at restaurants. {Tip: the 'Skinnylicious' menu at the Cheesecake Factory, however regreatably named, has some great options!} Do I hope to avoid this much 'cheating' in the future? Yes. But I won't say that I regret it. Three days of their company was worth whatever weight loss I sacraficed. If I'm going to succeed, however, I'll need to take that attitude far less often.

...which brings me to #3...

#3 holy-crap-i-have-no-time. With all of the busy-ness at work and at home, I'm still trying to plan a wedding. Frankly mom is doing most of the work, but it still catches up with me. Anyway, point being that the current date under consideration is September 22, 2012. 2012! 8.5 months to drop 60 pounds? This just got trickier. I had planned on sticking to a regimen of weight watchers, running, and swimming - but that was before I realized how little time I had. Shift in plans means that this week I'll bring the p90x routine into the mix. I did it once before with good results and I think it will expedite the losing process. It will also make my whole body hurt constantly for the next three months.

No pain, no gain I guess.

As a final thought, my friend posted this picture on her FB page that I found entirely inspiring. I have no idea who this person is -- but I think she's incredible. I have a hard time picturing what I would look like skinny..but this makes me incredibly hopeful about that image.

Day 2. Still fat, but optimistic.

January 3, 2012

Every time I choke down a handful of baby carrots I feel like a pound should magically disappear from my waist. Clearly this game is going to be won through expectations management.

I woke up this morning and did a 2200m swim and followed it with a strawberry banana smoothie before work. I ate a weight-watcher friendly lunch and snacks, came home from work, and went for a 2 mile run. Aforementioned amazing boyfriend offered to make dinner to help out. He's even using a WW recipe. Today was a good day.

I know that I'll need a lot of days like this to meet my goal (a lot, a lot). I also know that not every day is going to be like today (I refuse to completely end my love affair with dirty martinis). But today was a good day, and I think tomorrow will be too.

Starting Anew (Again)

January 2, 2012

I'm 28 years old, I'm getting married, and I'm fat.

I flirted with the boundary between chubby and fat for a long time, but it's safe to say now that I've landed squarely in the latter category. It's really hard to describe just how terrible that feels. It's a new year, though, and its going to be a memorable one. Four of my close friends will be getting married this year, and me too if I ever get my act together. As we turn the corner from maids to matrons, I feel like this is my last chance to take a stand and really lose the weight...and there is a lot to lose.

This battle is going to be a tough one, and I've decided to chronicle the battle for my own happiness here. Part of me thinks that maybe one day this diary of sorts could help someone else in their struggle. The real driver, though, is that I'm a prideful woman and I'm hoping that having to admit screw-ups in a formal, published form will make them more rare.

My vehicle of choice? Weight Watchers. It was recommended by several trusted sources, but I really signed up because of that commercial with skinny Jennifer Hudson singing next to her fat formal self. She really does look like a whole new person. I want that.

So here we go. Today I weigh 224 pounds. I cannot wear skirts because my thighs have become too large and rub together. My incredible, loving boyfriend is supportive of me no matter what, but surely must remember what I looked like when he first fell in love with me (circa 175 lbs). I wake up every morning and my first thought is of self-disgust with how far I've let myself go. Then I get up and eat those feelings. THIS ALL ENDS TODAY.

There is a wonderful, confident woman hidden under all of this fat, and its time that the people I love got to see her.