Inspiration

I'm not big bone-ded.  I'm fat.  Thinking that you're just a big person implies that you can't lose the weight, that skinny is out of reach.  Sometimes I catch myself in this mindset.  This happens especially when people tell me that I've lost so much weight, why am I still dieting?  Hello...I'm still fat.  

So, here's my inspiration.  Everyone can be skinny if they want it bad enough.

(ok she's too skinny.  but still)

Fatty fatty fat fat fat

Well, I'm not doing so hot and the timeline just got shorter.

First, after a week of good effort I hadn't lost any weight.  I know that plateaus happen (I've experienced them), but they still suck.  I weighed in at a flat 183.6 on Friday morning.

And then I took off for Santa Barbara and attempted to pickle myself in tequilla for two days.  Oops.  So much for sticking to my weight watchers allowance.  Don't know how much I weigh now (no scale in the hotel, shucks) but I bet it aint pretty.

But OK, I still have two and a half months to lose the weight, right?  Wrong again.  Due to my stupid self-inflicted schedule, I have to do the dress fitting on August 11th -- more than a month before the wedding.  The lady at the shop says I'll need to be very close to my day-of weight by then for them to properly do the alterations.

Eff.

The time pressure may be a good thing, I suppose.  I can't think of anything else that would convince me to go out running in this heat.  Approximate temp in KC right now is 475 degrees.

What I really need is a tapeworm -- anyone know where I can get one?

I am SOOOO tired of being fat.

40 DOWN! 20 TO GO?

Weight: 183.5
Mood: proud, but wary

I set out almost seven months ago to lose 60 pounds.  I am proud to say today that I'm officially down 40 from where I started.  It has not been easy, but it feels great to say that I've lost that much weight.  40 pounds sounds like a lot, doesn't it?

That said, I'm still pretty fat.  This is the punishment I must endure for letting myself balloon up to 224.  I've lost 40 pounds, and I still have a solid jelly roll around my middle, thighs that touch and arms that flap in the wind.  Sigh.

At this point we're a little less than three months away from the wedding (two and a half from the dress fitting).  Seeing as how it took me two months to lose the last ten pounds, it seems ambitious to think that I'll be able to lose another twenty by Sept 1.  If I lose a total of 50 I'll be content.  Everything else is gravy.

Today's motivation -- everytime I eye the cookies in the hotel lounge, I will think of myself in a bathing suit on the beach in Aruba.  must...not....be...fat.

Payoff!

Mood: Smiley

Weight: 185.6

Finally some weight loss after a long stagnant period!  Imagine that: work out often, eat well and you lose weight.  I just need to lose 1.6 pounds to hit the 40-lost mark -- must hold on to the momentum.  Oh, then there's that other twenty.  Hrmph.  I think I'll focus on the 1.6 for now.  And then I will have sweet dreams of breaking 180.  I haven't weighed less than 180 pounds since college!

Day 6 and 7!

Mood: Moderately Self Pleased

Well, the 7-day challenge is complete.  Both Day 6 and Day 7 were triumphs in terms of exercise.  Yesterday I did a p90x workout with Katie (apparently successfully since my legs have been wicked sore all day).  Today I put in a mile swim after work.  Both workouts felt great!

On the diet side, however, I was not as successful. Yesterday was only moderately terrible (every item on the Chili's menu, even the salads, is equivalent to a thanksgiving dinner's worth of calories.  Eff), but today was really bad.  I don't know what got into me.

But OK -- I set out to prove to myself that I could workout every day and in that I succeeded.  I don't know what affect this may have had on my weight, since I haven't been near a scale in over a week.  I guess I'll find out on Thursday.

For now I'm going to keep pluggin on -- better get a workout in tomorrow.

Day 5/7

Mood: Lazy

Yesterday was downright fun.  Katie and I woke up and went for a run through beautiful Turtle Park in St. Louis.  We then took the dogs for a walk, got some coffee, and toured 'the Hill', which is the Italian neighborhood in STL she now calls home.  We did some shopping, got our nails done, and then her husband-to-be made us a nice healthy dinner.  Oh yeah, then we got drunk.  It happens.

WW points used: 56
Weekly points remaining: 0
Workout: 4.04 mile run @ 11:41 pace (woot)

I guess I'd better be really good today.

Day 4/7

Mood: Triumphant! (sort of)

I actually got up and ran yesterday morning (the first time in months).  I felt great to have won the battle against my morning demon, but still expect a long and painful war.  Nonetheless, yesterday was a day of celebration.

The diet side of the equation was less triumphant.  I caved and grabbed a bran muffin for breakfast in a hurry, hoping that it wouldn't be too point-heavy.  I was wrong -- WW estimates bran muffins between 9 and 15 points.  Ouch.  Lunch and dinner were good, but then Katie and I put down a bottle of wine after dinner.  Ah well, ce la vie.  Not a total disaster, I just ate a little more into the weekly points than I'd planned for.

WW Points Used:49
Weekly Balance Remaining:24
Workout: 2.70 mile run @12:28 pace
(slower because I decided to take the stairs up to the top of liberty memorial...and then had to rest my head between my knees for a minute at the top.  whew that hurt.)

Now back to enjoying sunny St. Louis....

Day 3/7

Mood: Content

Another successful day!

WW points used: 33
Weekly points remaining: 41
Exercise completed: 2.71 mile run @12:10 pace

I'm starting to feel the habit building...

Day 2/7

Mood: Content

Well, its been a successful day 2 of my little 7 day challenge.

Weight Watchers Points Used: 33
Weekly Remaining: 42
Exercise: 3.52 mile run @ 11:47 pace

Today's inspiration from pinterest:

7 day challenge

Mood: Anxious

Weight: 190

Slight gain this week, which wouldn’t be a big deal if I had six more months.  Of course, as I’ve covered ad nasuem, I do not.  So, here’s what I propose to myself: the 7-day challenge.  

Over the next seven days, I will workout EVERY DAY.  This will be a challenge because the next seven days include travel days and a weekend in St. Louis with my dear friend Katie.  No matter, I will overcome.   I will also stick to my weightwatchers allocation for the week with NO exceptions. 

If she can do it, so can I.

Today is day 1. 

Weight watchers points used: 38  

Weekly points remaining: 43

Workout: 1 mile swim

See you tomorrow…

I love LA

Weight: 198

Mood: Peaceful

I finally get to spend three straight days in Los Angeles (thank you Memorial Day!).  I spent a lot of the day trying to get the house in order, since we moved in weeks ago and haven't fully unpacked.  Finally, however, I decided that it was time to go for a run.  I am very, very glad that I did.

Sometimes among the hustle and bustle of life, it is easy to forget just what a beautiful place I live in.  I started out down the palm tree-lined boulevards towards the beach.  I ran toward the mini-boardwalk at Washington boulevard and turned down the beach path towards Venice beach.  It was twilight, and the beach view was simply spectacular.  I had to turn around and veer off of the beach earlier than planned because the winds were causing a mini-sandstorm.  The detour, however, led me into a mini nature reserve which was full of plant life and little birds.  The reserve had a trail that winds along Ballona creek and eventually landed me back near my neighborhood.  It was only a three mile run and it was glorious. 

I think I'll do it again tomorrow.

Hrmph

To follow-up on yesterday's post -- I went out to dinner with colleagues instead of working out last night, and then failed to get up this morning to go for a run.  I don't know what's wrong with me!!  I understand the equation (Diet+Exercise=Skinny), so why oh why do I let the evil morning demon prevail?  This is not a rhetorical question -- I really don't know the answer.

Time is flying (and so am I)

Current Weight: 191

Mood: Anxious

Not too much to report I’m afraid.  I started traveling for work two weeks ago and have found it very difficult to eat well and exercise (so far my team seems so subside on pizza and bbq).  That said, I’ve kept my weight about steady, which is kind of impressive (considering).

With that miniscule back-pat out of the way, however, we can turn to the more relevant topic of conversations – HOW-THE-HELL-AM-I-GOING-TO-LOSE-30-POUNDS-IN-THE-NEXT-THREE-AND-A-HALF-MONTHS?!?!?!

The last two weeks just blew by.  Based on my experience with this project to-date, I can expect to spend the next 6-8 weeks with approximately the following routine:

-          Leave LA Sunday afternoon, arrive Kansas City close to midnight.  Get to hotel between 12-1

-          Work M-Th 8am-7pm, followed by team dinner  (unless I ditch to go run)

-          Fly home Thurs night, arrive LA around midnight

-          Work in LA on Friday

-          Sleep Saturday

-          Repeat

I’ll be eating all meals out Monday through Thursday, and probably most of the weekend unless I can find time to squeeze in meal planning and grocery shopping sometime over the weekend.  This definitely kicks the challenge up a notch.  I’m starting to feel a bit frightened about it – it’s a lot of weight and it will be tough to just sustain weight under my current schedule.  I’ll be happy if I can lose even just 20 pounds, but that is still a lot of work ahead.  The status quo is simply not acceptable – I still have so much arm fat!

What I need is a plan (a good one).  Its going to need to start with finding the inner strength to get up in the morning and exercise before work.  After work the whole team goes out to dinner every night, and it wouldn’t be appropriate for me to skip out on every dinner.  The only way to get regular exercise in will be to overcome the evil morning demon that traps me under the soft covers every morning.  This significantly easier said than done.  My morning demon is very persistent.

Food will be another hurdle.  Like it or not, group meals are a hugely important part a career in consulting.  I can’t just hermit up and eat smart ones alone in my hotel room.  I’ve been trying to order well, but even so you never quite know what you’re getting.  I will have to just trust in my weight watchers entry estimates and log EVERYTHING – no more skipping logging on weekends.  This is the home stretch baby.

I find myself thinking about what Eric says to me when I’m being difficult or unreasonable (me? never).  He’ll cock his head to the side, smile at me, and say, ‘so what you’re saying is that you want your way and you want it now?.’

That is how I feel.  I want my way: I want to lose every one of those thirty pounds and have a body that I’m proud of on my wedding day.  I also want to ‘knock it out of the park’ with the new job – put in the most hours, get the most done, put in the time at team events.  I also want to enjoy the millions of events planned this summer – weddings, bachelorette parties, showers, birthdays, etc – which will be havens for ravenous behavior.  I want all of that – and I want it now.  Sometimes it just sucks not being able to have it all.

Whew, enough whinning.  These are all first-world problems.  At the end of the day I am a healthy young woman with a great job whose parents are throwing her a big, beautiful wedding.  Now if I can only be a skinny, healthy young woman….

HALF WAY

WOOHOOO.  Yes, it took longer than I'd hoped and expected.  Yes, I still have a long way to go.  But who...effing...cares.  I lost 30 pounds!  I'm officially down to skirts-only for work because all the pants I own are too big.  Even the skirts sit way down on my hips and look matronly, but at least they fit.   One thing I've noticed at the 30-lbs lost mark, is that I can now imagine what I will look like skinny.  Before I had no concept of what shape my body would look like after significant weight loss.  Now that I've lost some of the larger bulges around my belly, hips and face, I can sort of picture what the future may hold.  This is a very good feeling.

I'm low on time, though.   Ideally I'd like to meet my goal by Sept 1st (to allow time for proper wedding dress fitting).  That means that I have four months to lose 30 pounds.  It took me four months to lose the first 30, but something tells me this next half is going to be even more challenging. 

Workouts: I've been working more hours, which has made the workout schedule tougher to meet.  That said, I've been doing a decent amount of running.  My friend and I ran a 10-k last weekend and finished on pace!  The half marathon is still going to be a pretty epic disaster, as the 10-k hurt pretty bad and it's only half the distance.  We'll just have to do what we can.  Also, I signed up for a 5-week bootcamp, so hopefully that will help to stave off the plateau.

Diet: Thank god for microwave diet meals.  Yes, they are a poor substitute for cooking a healthy, well-balanced meal.  They are a phenomenal substitute, however, for pizza delivery and burritos to-go (which would otherwise be my fallback when I got home at 8 or 9pm from work).  We're in the process of moving and all of our dishes are packed up, so these have really been my saving grace.  Hopefully I'll get back into the cooking routine soon.

Wish me luck universe, I'm going to need it!

Playlist time!

So, yes, as expected, I gained some weight last week. Two pounds to be exact. That was all the motivation I needed to get back on the ball. I'm back to making smoothies in the morning, measuring out all food, and exercising my tail off. I only have 165 days to lose over thirty pounds -- there just isn't time for too many more weeks like last week. Forward progress is needed.

So - in the spirit of the other blogs that I have read and used over the years, I thought I would do something helpful and share my playlist. These are some of the gems that got me up to 5 miles tonight!

Adam Lambert - Whataya Want From Me

Aesop Rock - None Shall Pass

All American Rejects - Move Along

B.o.B - Magic
B.o.B - So Good

Britney Spears - Till the World Ends

Cake - I Will Survive

Cee Lo Green - Fuck You

Christina Aguilera - Fighter

Coldplay - Clocks (Rhythms Del Mundo Remix)
David Guetta - Turn Me On

Dragonette - I Get Around
Flo Rida - Good Feeling

Florence + The Machine - Dog Days Are Over

Florence + The Machine - Shake It Off

The Fratellis - Flathead

Gnarls Barkley - Going On

Gorillaz - Feel Good Inc.

Gwen Stefani - What You Waiting For

Ice Cube - You Can Do It

Jamiroquai - Canned Heat

Jamiroquai - Love Foolosophy

Jay-Z/Linkin Park - Numb/Encore

Jimmy Eat World - Pain

John Williams - Aint No Mountain High Enough

Journey - Dont Stop Believin

Junior Senior - Move Your Feet

Kanye West - Stronger

Kanye West - Power

Kanye West - Love Lockdown
Kelly Clarkson - Stronger

Kid Cudi - Day N Night

La Roux - Bulletproof

Lady Gaga - Born This Way

Lady Gaga - Just Dance

Lily Allen - Smile (Remix)

Lily Allen - The Fear

Mark Ronson & The Business - Bang Bang Bang

Mark Ronson & Amy Winehouse - Valerie

MGMT - Electric Feel (Justice Remix)

Muse - Uprising
Nicki Minaj - Starships

OutKast - ATLiens

Rhianna - SOS

Rhianna - Dont Stop the Music

Rhianna - S&M

Scissor Sisters - Take Your Mama

Scissor Sisters - I Dont Feel Like Dancin

Taio Cruz - Dynamite

The Roots - Seed 2.0
The White Stripes - Seven Nation Army

Whitney Houston - Queen of the Night (CJs Single Edit)

ok so lots of things are naughty (cake, wine, italian food, etc..)

Another terrible cheat week behind me. Yes, I was out celebrating important things with people I love. No, I did not make any real effort to try and make smart choices during these celebrations. All I needed to do was lose 3 pounds this week to hit the half way point! The weigh in is tomorrow, but I will be shocked if there is any forward progress (and not-so-shocked if I took a step back or two).

Anyway - all I can do is look to the future. I will try to re-gather the strength and motivation that I had back in January. 5 months to lose 33 pounds -- I CAN DO IT. Hrmph.

sitting > running

Why does exercise sound like such a terrible idea all of the time? Really, if anyone ever reads this and has the answer please comment because I'm not sure I'll ever figure it out. I know that I need to exercise to lose weight, I know that it will feel good when its over, and yet I'm sitting here thinking that I'd rather do just about anything else in the world than put running shoes on (write a blog post, for example).

I wish I could be like those people who get antsy if they don't exercise -- it is something they actually look forward to during the day. I think I can say with a good amount of certainty that I will never become one of those people. I do, however, need to find a way to exercise anyway. Must get off arse, put on workout clothes, and go for a run. Ugh. Ok, now that I blogged about it I feel like I really have to do it. Self-trickery? Check.

UPDATE: Run went great! 2.82 miles at an average pace of 11:48m/m. Runkeeper is a super fun app. I'm glad I got off the couch...as I knew I would be.

Broke the 200 barrier!

Bought a scale and was rewarded with the sweet sight of 198.6! Its been sooooooo long since I weighed less than 200 pounds and it feels soooooo good.

So, my weight loss is progressing slower than planned. I had hoped to lose 10lbs per month, and February and March combined were about 10. Somehow crossing an arbitrary milestone like 200 pounds is totally motivating. I can and will keep going! I will be one hot hot biscuit in my wedding dress! I bought the dress in a size 18 -- here's to hoping I can get down to a 12 and use all that extra fabric to make myself something pretty.

25 down, 35 to go!

Guessing Game

oh blogosphere. I'd like to report my progress, only I'm not quite sure what that is because I broke the scale. I suppose it could have run out of batteries, but I think it just lost its will to live. In any case its been a week and a half since I last weighed in. My weight watchers app keeps sending me nasty-grams. I guess I'd better get myself to target and buy a scale before my iphone explodes.

In the meantime, dare I take a wager? I do feel like I'm losing some weight. Three pairs of my work pants are getting almost too loose to wear. My workouts have been inconsistent at best but my diet has been pretty spot on. If I had to guess I'd say that I've lost another 3-5 pounds since my last weight in. That would land me right around the 200lb mark -- oh please let it be true. 199 would make me actually sing out loud. Must. Keep. Going.

i has cheeseburger

Where, oh where has my motivation gone? I've been a mess. Last night I put down a cheeseburger between roughly 5 glasses of red wine. Yesterday, I got a 20 WW point lunch at a Mexican restaurant. Whaaaa? I am supposed to be focused, driven, and DETERMINED to lose the rest of this weight.

This weekend will be tough from a booze perspective, as some dear friends are throwing us an engagement party at a bar. I know I need to make tradeoffs -- but I'm only 1/3 of the way there. There is still just so much weight to lose.

I suppose I just need to remind myself that if losing weight were easy there would be no fat people. This is hard, its hard for everyone. I just need to work HARDER.

So here's the goal for this weekend: I will exercise and eat well at every given opportunity in order to reduce the total damage done by drinking my face off on Saturday night. Better than nothin.

Now I'm going to go surf pinterest for motivational quotes.

20 DOWN, 40 TO-GO

The halelujah choir sings again! It took a little longer than I had hoped, but I have reached the mighty landmark of 20 pounds lost. To be honest I'm pretty shocked, somehow I managed to lose three pounds over the weekend when I was not exactly on my best behavior. Just goes to show that theres a million moving pieces. Anyway, today I weigh 202.6 pounds, or 21.4 pounds less than I did at the beginning of the year.

Some observations:

1. I signed up to run a half marathon in 9 weeks - better get runnin.

2. I start a new job on Monday, which will soon mean that I will be on travel ~75% of the time. This is what got me into a lot of trouble last year. I'd better start coming up with a plan for losing weight while living out of hotels. I will not be derailed!

3. Re-started the p90 routine last night after a week and a half hiatus. Ouch! Hurts so good.

4. We're getting married in 200 days. If I just lose 1/5 pound every day between now and then -- I'll meet my goal.

Tan Fat > White Fat

Where to begin? I returned last night from a helluva trip to Costa Rica. It was spectacularly beautiful and, in the scheme of things, did not derail my weight-loss plans.

How did I fare, you ask? Well, I weighed in at 203.5 lbs the day I left. I was ecstatic! Had hit the 20 lb mark! I knew, however, that I was going on vacation with friends who know how to party. Party = booze calories = hangovers = food calories. This equation has been kicking my ass for a decade. Anyway, we managed to balance out the partying with some pretty sweet activities. We went ziplining through the jungle, swimming in the ocean, hiking to waterfalls, etc. We also drank roughly one million imperiales, roughly. In the end, I weighed in at 205.4 lbs.

I'm not going to sweat a vacation gain of 2 lbs. It could have been much worse, and I had a supremely amazing time. Plus, I have an amazing tan and tan fat always looks better than white fat. It just does. Even Eric thought I looked skinnier when I got home. It just goes to show, while you're waiting to lose the weight you can always tan like mad (fake it 'til you make it).

Time to Climb (back on the wagon)

No recent posts = bad news bears. While I was busy not posting, I was also busy not dieting and not exercising. How did I fall so far, you ask? Planning. It really is the only thing that works for me. I went to Sacramento for the weekend to do some wedding planning and did not bring a plan for how I would work out or what I would eat. Ergo I didnt work out and ate whatever was in front of me. So. Dumb. Last week was definitely my worst performance to-date and yet - somehow I lost three pounds!

So lets recap:
1. workout everyday and follow weight watchers religiously --> flat weight.
2. ditch working out and overinduldge in mexican food three times in one weekend --> weight loss.

Just goes to show that there are a million moving pieces in this puzzle. I'm going to go ahead and assume that the fajita burritos are not responsible for my weight loss and go back to following my chosen routine. Of course, next week I'll be on vacation in Costa Rica so I'll have to be very diligent to not loose the meager ground I've gained in this war.

For now, I'm down to 206lbs which is a total loss of 18. Lets see if I can't get down to a nice round 20 before I leave.

Early Plateau

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY

Some Updates:

- Getting the wedding dress refunded (yey!)

- Haven't lost any more weight (boo!)

- Got a new job (yey!)

- Wedding now 31 weeks away, still fat (boo, boo, boo)

I appear to have hit my first plateau. I've been eating well and exercising (promise) but the weight loss has come to a screeching halt. I'm still at 209 pounds and teetering between pant sizes 16 and 18. This feels crappy.

Eric and I started Phase II of P90x last night. I'm hoping that the change in exercise routine will jar lose some of my bellyfat. The only other thing I could do is eat less and exercise more, but I'm already 100% weight watchers compliant and working out 4-7 days per week! Anything more seems unsustainable. I'm going to give the current plan of WW and P90 a few more weeks. Maybe the fat is sitting at the end of the diving board, just getting ready to dive off. Oh please, please, please let that be the case.

As promised: Sausage & Doom

It can be a cruel world for the chunksters. Well, maybe just a cruel town.


I'd like to start with the positive: I have about the most amazing support system a gal could have. Both my mom and Eric's mom came down to LA to go wedding dress shopping with me. My friend and bridesmaid-to-be Katie also came along. The three of them were positive, helpful, and insightful. All of their positive energy combined, however, could not sqeeze my fat ass into any of those sample sizes.


We went to three bridal salons in the Beverly Hills/Hollywood areas of LA. Between all three salons there were a total of 2 dresses that I could sort of fit over my derriere (not zipped, of course), and both were downright tragic. (If it came down to getting married in jeans or one of those dresses - jeans would win hands down). Katie was kind enough to offer to model the gowns I liked to see what they looked like on a person. The hard part is that even WHEN I lose all 60 pounds, I'm still not going to mirror her little pinup figure. Anyway, long story short we ended up buying a dress just to be done with the trauma of dress shopping. Its a perfectly beautiful dress, but I'm still going to fight the salon to see if I can take it back. It's just not my style and no one should buy a wedding dress out of despair. Whatever happens, happens. At the end of the day I'll have lost my goal weight and married the man I love. I could glow in a potato sack :)


Speaking of goal weight -- weight watchers week 5 was not much of a success -- my weight is flat over last week. Better than a gain, I suppose, but the clock is ticking and there is still an awful lot to lose. This week I pledge to work out harder and eat smarter than I have the last 5 weeks. Failure is simply not an option.

Planning Makes Perfect

I have found myself locked into a pretty tight schedule for this endeavor. I need to have healthy food ready for consumption 5 times per day and have blocked out time for excercise at least once per day. What I'm learning the hard way is that those two things go hand in hand.

By yesterday I had exhausted my planned food supply. I had no bananas for the morning smoothie, no carrots or protein bars for daytime snacks, no ingredients for healthy dinners. I got by with some oatmeal from the cafeteria for breakfast and a sandwich for lunch, but by the time I got home from work around 7:30PM, exercise was out of the question because I was STARVING. I ate reasonably healthy, but definitely missed out on the requisite Yoga X workout that I had planned. Very naughty.

Lesson learned? Poor grocery planning impacts both diet and excercise - so don't let the shopping slip!

I almost wish I'd had the strengh to fast all week -- this weekend I'll be dress shopping. Please expect a very depressing post that includes words like 'sausage' and 'doom' by Monday.

Just. Keep. Going.

I would be the first to admit that I am not the most patient person in the world. I may or may not have a tendency to want my way and want it NOW. Ergo, the painstaking pace of weightloss via diet and exercise is presenting a challenge for me. I need to see some kind of noticeable or measurable difference on a regular basis in order to maintain this taco bell-free regimen! Eric says he can see a difference in my body, but even my squinty-eyed stares don't see much change.

What I have noticed is that I can do more push-ups than I could do a month ago. I can run longer and faster than I could run a month ago (6 miles in an hour and 15 mins!), and I miss junk food less than I did a month ago. Changes are defintely occuring in my big fat ecosystem, they're just not yet bubbling up to the surface.


I found the above photo on pinterest, however, and apparently this is the pace of change. Just keep going, the change will come. Since I don't have any other options, I'm just going to have to be patient.

Month 1 Results

The moment the scale settled on a single weight the Halelujah Chorus started ringing in my ears: 209.6! Halelujah! Halelujah!

14.4 pounds down, 45.6 to-go.

A nice, round 15 would have been nice, but 14.4 is good enough for me.

In other news, I booked the wedding on September 22. Thats just under 8 months from now. Here goes nothin'.

Nerves

Another week has gone by and I find myself more nervous about Monday's weigh-in than I was about skydiving. This, of course, is stupid. The scale is just a machine that merely will spit out a number that I may or may not like. After two weeks of lackluster progress, however, I have a lot invested in seeing a happy number on Monday. Where will I find myself after one month of dedication to the new lifestyle?

I'm encouraged by small changes I've noticed in my body. I feel just a little stronger. My fat pants are just a little looser. It shouldn't matter what the scale says, but it does. Please, please, please, please be under 210!

Run Nina Run

About a year ago I had decided to run a half marathon with some friends. We signed up, and I finished the OC Half Marahon on May 1, 2011 in 2:51:23 (also known as 5421st place). I was ecstatic to have finished in under 3 hrs! It was a good day.

Then I stopped exercising alltogether, put on 30 pounds, and found myself limited to a single pair of work pants that were still button-able. Lame.

Anyway, I bring this up because I think I want to run it again this year. I won't be able to seriously train with running until after the p90x routine is finished (circa early April), but I can sneak in some long runs along the way and then start dedicated training at least a month before the race. Sounds do-able to me. I'm officially excited.

In other news, I'm proud to report that I'm still securely on the wagon. The weekend was tough because I went home for a funeral service, which meant booze and comfort food, but I had saved up my WW points and stayed within the weekly allowance. Yey for me.

On the workout front, I missed one of the six p90 workouts last week (shame on me) and am determined to make all six happen this week. After just one week I already feel stronger! While my weight loss is not progressing quite as nicely as I had planned (see prior post), my body composition is changing. The aforementioned work fat pants, which were treacherously tight at the end of last year, now have some give at the waist. 2012 is going to be my year!

#*@$#*&^%

Balls. I was on FIRE this week. Full weight watchers compliance? Check. Full p90x workout Mon-Fri? Check. Result? WEIGHT GAIN.

Eric: 'You're putting on muscle, the weight loss will come.'
Mom: 'Your weight fluctuates with your 'cycle', don't pay attention to small gains.'
Me: *&%$@*!

I know that I cannot let a small gain set me back. Knowing that, however, does not make this suck any less. I'm not a patient woman and I want to see the numbers on the scale go steadily down until I see the sweet victory of my goal weight appear. Not to mention, I have no time for gains because the wedding will be here before I know it. Hrmph.

Ok. Enough whinning. Time to go plan out a WW-friendly dinner and get on with it.

p90ouch

So we finally got around to re-starting the P90X routine. Both Eric and I have gone through this before (although he finished with excellent results and I quit to move to Argentina and get fatter...more on that another time). Anyway, we did the first workout of the 90 day routine last night and I am already feeling the effects. For example, I nearly didn't shampoo my hair this morning because the thought of holding my arms over my head for any period of time made me cringe. All of this pain after a pathetic showing of on-my-knees pushups? This is what we'll call 'room for improvement.'

Week 2 Results!

Well...today is Week 2 weigh in and I weigh 212.6lbs! That means I've lost 11.4 lbs in the last two weeks. That seems like a lot -- but I need to remember that weight tends to fall off at the beginning of a weight loss program. The rate of loss is going to slow and I'm going to have to keep working for every...single...pound. I am most definitely up to the challenge.

So far, my favorite thing about the WW program is that I'm never hungry. Breakfast consists of a shake (1 banana, 1c strawberries, 1/2 milk, handful of ice) in tandem with a large and satisfying coffee. I pack snacks of protein bars, carrots, bananas, and other fruit for the day. And lunch & dinner have been weight watchers-friendly recipes that I've enjoyed concocting. This is the plan.

On Saturday, however, my beloved 49ers were playing and we went to a bar where I ended up drinking 75oz of light beer. (Technically I only ordered 50oz, the last mug was just brought and I couldn't just leave it to go to waste.) Plus we won...celebration was in order. Anyway, dinner after that consisted of a banana and protein bar....and I still made it under the daily points limit.

I absolutely understand why people say this is the program that sticks. 11 Down. 49 To Go.

Not Alone

Obviously I'm not the first woman in history to try to lose some weight. It is hugely inspiring to see the success of others who used to look and feel just like me. I stumbled across this blog via Pinterest and am in awe of this woman. Her '100 lb difference' list should be enough to get me out of bed every morning:

http://www.runsforcookies.com/p/non-scale-victories.html

Thanks Katie.

PS -- put in 3200 yd swim this morning -- that's almost two miles!

Conventional Wisdom

They say that 'the hardest part abuot excercise is walking out of the door.' I've heard this repeated about a bajillion times. Bullshit, I said. The hardest part is running in the dark and cold. They, 1, Me, 0.

This has not been my strongest week. The P90 idea got pushed out a week and somehow now it's Thursday and I just got my first workout in. I've been eating pretty well and I thought that would be enough. I came home from work tonight and seriously considered just making a healthy dinner and watching some TV. Who wants to change into the bathing suit, slowly drudge down to the complex pool and face the initial bite of the water? (Note: this is dramatized. I live in LA and the pool is heated). And yet, I reminded myself that I've done zero workouts yet this week and was due for a quick swim. My goal for this endeavor had been to maintain two-a-day workouts. I at least owe myself one per day, and none per week is unforgivable.

Anyway, I schlepped my fat ass down to the pool tonight and put in a solid 2500 yards. NOW I FEEL FANTASTIC. There really is nothing like the feeling you get after a good swim. I feel alive, alert and cheery. There is absolutely nothing that I regret about putting on my suit and walking out the door. My only regret is that I don't know how to bottle up this feeling and bust it out whenever I'm feeling lazy or complacent.

I need to keep this drive alive. I need to remember that my success or failure in this challenge will be my ability to overcome the desire to curl up under a blanket with the cat and put the work off until tomorrow. The time to lose this debilitating weight is NOW, not tomorrow.

Suceeding, Cheating & Freaking Out

January 9, 2012

With week 1 trailing off into the rearview, there are definitely some reflections to be made.

#1 - Success!! I dropped from 224 to 116 pounds in the first week. That small initial success tasted better than all of the cake I didn't eat so this plan must be working. I feel great.

#2 - Social Activity = Drinking. I have a pretty good idea what that statement says about my cohorts and I. That said, two of my dearest friends traveled a long way to come visit me this past weekend, and I wasn't going to delight them with chicken breasts and water at my apartment for four days. So, we ate and drank, ate and drank, then repeated. I did the best I could by sneaking in a swim here and there and choosing the best possible option at restaurants. {Tip: the 'Skinnylicious' menu at the Cheesecake Factory, however regreatably named, has some great options!} Do I hope to avoid this much 'cheating' in the future? Yes. But I won't say that I regret it. Three days of their company was worth whatever weight loss I sacraficed. If I'm going to succeed, however, I'll need to take that attitude far less often.

...which brings me to #3...

#3 holy-crap-i-have-no-time. With all of the busy-ness at work and at home, I'm still trying to plan a wedding. Frankly mom is doing most of the work, but it still catches up with me. Anyway, point being that the current date under consideration is September 22, 2012. 2012! 8.5 months to drop 60 pounds? This just got trickier. I had planned on sticking to a regimen of weight watchers, running, and swimming - but that was before I realized how little time I had. Shift in plans means that this week I'll bring the p90x routine into the mix. I did it once before with good results and I think it will expedite the losing process. It will also make my whole body hurt constantly for the next three months.

No pain, no gain I guess.

As a final thought, my friend posted this picture on her FB page that I found entirely inspiring. I have no idea who this person is -- but I think she's incredible. I have a hard time picturing what I would look like skinny..but this makes me incredibly hopeful about that image.

Day 2. Still fat, but optimistic.

January 3, 2012

Every time I choke down a handful of baby carrots I feel like a pound should magically disappear from my waist. Clearly this game is going to be won through expectations management.

I woke up this morning and did a 2200m swim and followed it with a strawberry banana smoothie before work. I ate a weight-watcher friendly lunch and snacks, came home from work, and went for a 2 mile run. Aforementioned amazing boyfriend offered to make dinner to help out. He's even using a WW recipe. Today was a good day.

I know that I'll need a lot of days like this to meet my goal (a lot, a lot). I also know that not every day is going to be like today (I refuse to completely end my love affair with dirty martinis). But today was a good day, and I think tomorrow will be too.

Starting Anew (Again)

January 2, 2012

I'm 28 years old, I'm getting married, and I'm fat.

I flirted with the boundary between chubby and fat for a long time, but it's safe to say now that I've landed squarely in the latter category. It's really hard to describe just how terrible that feels. It's a new year, though, and its going to be a memorable one. Four of my close friends will be getting married this year, and me too if I ever get my act together. As we turn the corner from maids to matrons, I feel like this is my last chance to take a stand and really lose the weight...and there is a lot to lose.

This battle is going to be a tough one, and I've decided to chronicle the battle for my own happiness here. Part of me thinks that maybe one day this diary of sorts could help someone else in their struggle. The real driver, though, is that I'm a prideful woman and I'm hoping that having to admit screw-ups in a formal, published form will make them more rare.

My vehicle of choice? Weight Watchers. It was recommended by several trusted sources, but I really signed up because of that commercial with skinny Jennifer Hudson singing next to her fat formal self. She really does look like a whole new person. I want that.

So here we go. Today I weigh 224 pounds. I cannot wear skirts because my thighs have become too large and rub together. My incredible, loving boyfriend is supportive of me no matter what, but surely must remember what I looked like when he first fell in love with me (circa 175 lbs). I wake up every morning and my first thought is of self-disgust with how far I've let myself go. Then I get up and eat those feelings. THIS ALL ENDS TODAY.

There is a wonderful, confident woman hidden under all of this fat, and its time that the people I love got to see her.